We started off good. I mean,
they are all tolerable enough. I’m not easily get close with someone, not as
fast as them. Plus I met them a week later than planned, so I’m a bit left
behind on the introduction. It’s also a bit hard for me to adapt with their outgoing
personality. Many times I found myself sitting silently in the room while they
talk among themselves animatedly. It’s not because I’m antisocial or something.
I’m just used to have a lot of ‘me’ time before this, so being with them 24/7
is a bit tiring. Sometimes they’re too noisy when I need silence. And the more I stay away from them, the more I lost chances of knowing more about them.
We don’t have a lot in
common since the beginning. I love to read and none of them can barely stand to
look at a piece of paper for a long period of time. I love to draw and really
appreciate something artistic to pass my time, but they prefer to go out to
some bars and waste the night away dancing with stranger. That doesn’t mean
we’re too different that we can’t get along at all. I do enjoy their company
when I need it. Their jokes and banters with each other crack me up sometimes.
I do learn about the outside world beside mine, their world, and how to handle
it. And we have something in common, tattoos. We all share the likes of body
art, this is what I enjoy the most when talking with them.
Yes, I love singing, I love
making music. Sadly, my kind of music is different with their definitions.
Again, another gap between us that possibly couldn’t be closed. And I almost
lost all the battles regarding music with them, since Harry has an opposite
taste of music with mine, and he’s very charming that of course Louis as the big
brother figure melt to his charm. Liam has the same taste as Harry so
there will be three against one. And even though Niall may have the same
perception as me, we will still lose. But the fact is, Niall is very open to
every genre of music so he doesn’t mind whichever music we’re making.
So, Niall is no help either.
This bring me to my
thoughts. What I really want and what the world wants. They say, a
group’s interest has to be prioritized more than one’s interest. Is that mean I
have to live a life like an outcast in a group for the rest of my life? Isn’t
that mean I’m wasting my time doing things I don’t actually enjoy?
Long and hard I think,
should I go find my own path and disappoint those who support me from the
beginning to be in that group? But actually I can’t find myself continuing to
walk with them in front of me while I’m running behind them like a follower, my path
blocked by them. Which one is better, me making my new journey and shaking the
whole fans’ world or keep silent and burry my own perception?
Now I’ve decided. I sat with
all of them one day, sitting through this decision of mine which I know will be
hard for them as much as it will be hard for me. But this is for the best.
We’re too different to stay together. I’m too different for all of you. We
don’t share the same sense of humor. We can’t connect through the art or books.
We even have different view of heaven and hell, and too much culture
differences that you guys can only look at me with deep frown in your face. We’re
not compatible, no matter how hard I try to fit in without changing myself
completely.
So this is a goodbye. We may
not be riding in the same bus talking about crazy things on the stage while we
still drenched in our sweats. We may not singing together in harmony in front
of thousands of screaming fans. We may not messing with the crew in between the
tight schedules. But we can still meet. When you’re all can escape from the
routine, we can meet and relive all the good time we had when we’re together.
It’s a goodbye for now, but this isn’t forever. We may have different path now,
but we can still meet in the crossroads someday…
***
Please excuse my grammar, or
if it’s too bothersome, feel free to fix it :)
Happy reading and please comment if you like :>
Happy reading and please comment if you like :>