Blabs

Do you know, it only would've taken two seconds to say goodbye?

I think I'm not the kind of girl who's easily get angry at anything. But I really really hate it (and angry of course) when someone just dropped me like I'm a hot potato. I mean, you could at least tell me where I’ve done wrong, so maybe I can get out of your picture peacefully. But just kicked me out of the background without any explanation? Well, that will be a long lasting hate that you will get out of me. And I will not be bothered to ask you why. If you already cut ties with me, I should could it in my end too. No question has to be asked. Why keep something that won't hold on the other end of the side? If you didn't bother to talk to me about it, I should not waste my breath in trying to reconnect. If you don't care anymore, why would I?

Usually, I'm very open to explanation. The first few days, when everything was still fresh and I still sorting my head trying to find the fault in all this, I also give the other party a chance to rethink their decision, or give the explanation that I know I deserve. An excuse would be fine too, you know. But once that chance is over, everything is closed. The chance to make excuses, explain, apologize, even if you wanted to reconnect and merely bridging it between us with a thin thread, I won't acknowledge it.

Then again, this is my first time seeing it myself. To see someone who always thought high and mighty of themselves and act like a snob to people who didn't "understand" you. Claiming that they are unique when the truth is they just walking in their high horse and refused to mingle with people down here, afraid of... I don't even know –or want to know— what. At first I thought it's just the confidence speaking. But now I realized there's a thin line between being confident and arrogant. Won't open up to new things, pushing aside things that won't go their way, looking for someone to agree with you so you won't feel guilty... That's being arrogant.

I was silent a few years back even though there were things that I did not agree with. I thought it's because everyone is entitled to their own opinion, so her opinion and mine should not always be the same. That's why I keep quiet, that she can speak all of her opinion and ask for the agreement to safe herself, but I am also entitled to my own opinion and my opinion at that time was to not agree with hers. But thinking back, I should've known that this would happen. I know there will be a time when she thought that one of the people surrounding her is no longer enough for her that she has to push that person down.

I admired the other girl back then, for being able to walk out because she simply being an ass to her. I completely agree with her opinion but can't do nothing since I am just this weak self. I do try to voice my opinion at that time. But since I am the kind of girl who does not have that much motivation, once I saw a hard case of a woman in front of me, I didn't bother to change or challenge her.

You know, I never envy her when she got along with everyone and I was just merely a background, scrolling every alphabets present in the tiny screen to just find a clue how I can get involved. That's why I never understand jealousy as the motivation. Maybe I just lack of feminine feeling, or just simple insensitive and oblivious. But this is just ridiculous. You're being ridiculous and I’m being ridiculous too… but at least I gain something for being this ridiculous self...