Departure

We started off good. I mean, they are all tolerable enough. I’m not easily get close with someone, not as fast as them. Plus I met them a week later than planned, so I’m a bit left behind on the introduction. It’s also a bit hard for me to adapt with their outgoing personality. Many times I found myself sitting silently in the room while they talk among themselves animatedly. It’s not because I’m antisocial or something. I’m just used to have a lot of ‘me’ time before this, so being with them 24/7 is a bit tiring. Sometimes they’re too noisy when I need silence. And the more I stay away from them, the more I lost chances of knowing more about them.

We don’t have a lot in common since the beginning. I love to read and none of them can barely stand to look at a piece of paper for a long period of time. I love to draw and really appreciate something artistic to pass my time, but they prefer to go out to some bars and waste the night away dancing with stranger. That doesn’t mean we’re too different that we can’t get along at all. I do enjoy their company when I need it. Their jokes and banters with each other crack me up sometimes. I do learn about the outside world beside mine, their world, and how to handle it. And we have something in common, tattoos. We all share the likes of body art, this is what I enjoy the most when talking with them.

Yes, I love singing, I love making music. Sadly, my kind of music is different with their definitions. Again, another gap between us that possibly couldn’t be closed. And I almost lost all the battles regarding music with them, since Harry has an opposite taste of music with mine, and he’s very charming that of course Louis as the big brother figure melt to his charm. Liam has the same taste as Harry so there will be three against one. And even though Niall may have the same perception as me, we will still lose. But the fact is, Niall is very open to every genre of music so he doesn’t mind whichever music we’re making. So, Niall is no help either.

This bring me to my thoughts. What I really want and what the world wants. They say, a group’s interest has to be prioritized more than one’s interest. Is that mean I have to live a life like an outcast in a group for the rest of my life? Isn’t that mean I’m wasting my time doing things I don’t actually enjoy?

Long and hard I think, should I go find my own path and disappoint those who support me from the beginning to be in that group? But actually I can’t find myself continuing to walk with them in front of me while I’m running behind them like a follower, my path blocked by them. Which one is better, me making my new journey and shaking the whole fans’ world or keep silent and burry my own perception?

Now I’ve decided. I sat with all of them one day, sitting through this decision of mine which I know will be hard for them as much as it will be hard for me. But this is for the best. We’re too different to stay together. I’m too different for all of you. We don’t share the same sense of humor. We can’t connect through the art or books. We even have different view of heaven and hell, and too much culture differences that you guys can only look at me with deep frown in your face. We’re not compatible, no matter how hard I try to fit in without changing myself completely.

So this is a goodbye. We may not be riding in the same bus talking about crazy things on the stage while we still drenched in our sweats. We may not singing together in harmony in front of thousands of screaming fans. We may not messing with the crew in between the tight schedules. But we can still meet. When you’re all can escape from the routine, we can meet and relive all the good time we had when we’re together. It’s a goodbye for now, but this isn’t forever. We may have different path now, but we can still meet in the crossroads someday…

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Please excuse my grammar, or if it’s too bothersome, feel free to fix it :)
Happy reading and please comment if you like :>