My Weaknesses are My Strengths

You know when you've interviewed and the interviewer asked 3 strengths and weaknesses you have? I was asked this question so many times during interview, so being the overthinker that I am, I seek to find the perfect answer. For now, this is what comes to my mind:

My weaknesses are also my strengths, in my opinion. 

Pride. Gullible. Lazy.

These three things are my ultimate weaknesses, if you see them as separate entities. But for me, aside from being weaknesses, they are also my strengths.

Why?

Because my gullible trait makes me aware when I haven't finished my job, the gullible will eat me alive until I finally finished my responsibility. But then there's always this other weakness, me being a lazy person. But because I also have gullible trait, I can't enjoy laziness because I will always think about the job that hasn't been done, so in a way, the gullible trait is going to keep my laziness on track. Eventually, even though I don't want to do it, I have to. The laziness in me will makes me think the most effective and efficient way to get my job done, without breaking too much sweat and taking too much of my time. Working smarter, not harder, is what they used to say, that applied in my way of thinking because I'm too lazy to spent more time than necessary to get things done. This allows me to make unusual shortcut in a way that sometimes only my brain understand it, the simplest and quickest way. 

You must be thinking that the result will not be that good since I'm so lazy in doing it, plus I take so many shortcuts. Some might say that I might do it carelessly. Well, this is where my pride comes in. Because of the high pride I have, I always wanted to be above average at least, in whatever I'm doing in order to boost my ego, especially if it's something that worth taking pride in. My pride will take my competitive side to make sure I'm not doing a half-assed thing.

So with every task that I do, it will be done because I'm feeling guilty for not doing it (yet), will do it the quickest and simplest way possible so I can get back to being lazy, but won't take less than perfect to maintain my pride. 

Oh, one more thing. This writing will not be done if I'm not such an overthinker. A weakness that helps me come up with the conclusion you read above. 

So for me, it's not about embracing your weakness and try to make it better, but rather how you change your weakness to become a weapon to be your strength that helps you in live. That's what I think.

A piece

I was unconsciously staring at his broad back. Warm, inviting, comforting. As if he can sense me watching, he suddenly turned to me. He was staring at me with his intense eyes, as if expecting me to say something to him. I can only freeze in my place, unable to think of something when he held such stare. Slowly, he walked to me, closer and closer, closing each gaps between us. He sat next to me, our knees brushed, our hands touching each other. He suddenly pull my head to his shoulder. I stiffened, before finally relaxed my body into him. He didn’t say anything, just holding my hair to keep my head in his shoulder. I can hear his breath on my head as he put his chin above me. It’s calming and making my heart beats faster at the same time. For a while we only stay there in silence, none of us dare to burst this comfortable bubble. Until I heard him say it. The one sentence that I wanted him to say so much since the beginning of the day. But why do I feel guilty too?

Draft

Is this what’s going to happen when I build my own family? The father will not earn much. The mother will try her hardest to make ends meet. And then, when the child is born, the father will discipline her so bad that violence become an excuse. The child will grow up as a very timid girl, who wishes to become a rebel, but instead will go back to her shell as soon as someone speak a pitch higher than they used to, a sign of the childhood trauma. As if it’s programmed in her head that one little bad behavior will result of same pain she experienced when she first felt the pain that comes from her own circle, the very person who should have been the first one to chase away everyone who tried to hurt her. As they are all got older, the kid will already developed a high wall around her heart, not letting anyone in, not letting herself feel. The parents will fights with no make ups, attempting to separate but then suppressed it and agreeing to live in different room instead. The parents will no longer feel the love from each other, living only as a companion till finally one of them, or perhaps both, forever leaving this world. The kid who already had lack of love since childhood, facing an even loveless environment growing up, having a really hard time believing in love, or in someone else other than herself. Because everyone has a very big power of crushing her already fragile heart. Because she no longer want to feel the hurt she felt a long time ago so she settled to the emptiness….

I Remember

I remember...
When darkness spread above me losing the dots 
When a sword of light cuts the darkness in half 
I remember...
I curled up in a ball in the pave way 
Surrounded by wild flowers 
Waiting for the sky to swallow my feeling 
Hoping for the rain to wash my agony

Dark Thoughts

In life, you only need money and time. With money, you can buy everything, even happiness. When your source of happiness is a book, you’ll need money to buy them. When you like to go traveling around the world, you need money for the necessities on the way. With time, you can have fun as long as you want. Fun you can buy. Happiness, friends, love can be arranged if you have the money and time.

You don’t need friend, not exactly. Every human in the world mean to live alone with themselves. Family, friends, enemies, they’ll come and goes in your life. They just passing through your lifetime and then one day you’ll never cross path with them ever again. You won’t live forever with them, they won’t be by your side forever. 

People are meant to take advantage of each other. Whether it was friends or enemies or families, they take advantage of you. Family take advantage of your existence to make them feel save and think they’re not alone in this world. Friends take advantage of every little thing that you have. Time, money, even your brain and strength. They’ll squeeze out all your abilities until they’re bored or don’t have to endure any time with you anymore. And enemies, well, they’re the easiest to read. They didn’t exactly hides their purpose unlike the others. They simply make your existence as their entertainment, or maybe their purpose to keep living in this world. Neither of it has a good outcome.

So you need money. It will take you to the journey of life. You can learn how to life with money. That’s when you paid your school fee. Or you can be whatever you want with money. A pretty girl, a charming guy or different kind of you everyday, change who you are over and over again. Life is so easy when you have the money. At least you have one less thing to worry about when you have enough money. 

You can buy friend with your money. You can buy the fake one and be the real you—which I know is a bitch, everyone is a bitch—or you can buy the real one with the fake you. And let me tell you something. Even if you want to fake yourself, you need money. To impress someone we have to be someone else, and it takes money to provide us to become someone else. It’s the same thing with family, and even easier with the enemy. Just by the fact that you have a lot of money will bring a lot of enemy. Heck, even the poorest thing in the world have an enemy.

Not just the money though, you also need time. Time for you to life, to have fun and spend your money. Even if you have all the money in the world but have no time, it’s all will be worthless. How are you supposed to spend all your money if you’re busy at the office 24/7? Time is a really important thing in your life and to accompany the purpose of money. And sadly money can’t buy life. Well, they can slow it down, but that’s as far as it can goes.

Time can make money, but money can’t buy time. So how are you gonna get them both? That’s something I’m still looking for. Money is limitless, but time is limited. You just need to set your priority right. If asked what you can live without, you can’t life without money. It’s the primary source for you to get everything you need in life. Food, house, clothes, friends, even family. But you can’t also life without time even though you have all the money in the world. So between time and money, there should be a balance. Don’t waste too much of your time and don’t waste too much money because then you’ll feel something’s off with your life.

Watching

Two wheeled machine passed by like a parade

The eye was opening wide in the orange world

Helping to go through when the ball of fire rolling to the other side

Glimmering flicks of all the colorful eyes shining the otherwise dark spaces

One by one they gone, leaving the trail of rush hour

Expect

Wasn’t expecting you to move on soon

Wasn’t expecting you to forget

I was still standing, frozen

Looking at the same sky you’ve stared a moment ago

Wishing for the night to never change into the day

The same moon you showed me

Don’t want it to fade, don’t want you to fade….